I wish I had found this years ago:mistressivey.blogspot.com!! The blog is called Becoming A Mistress, and it is telling me so much that I wish I had known, and so much that I am excited to learn right now! She has been writing it since 10/2010, posting regularly and informatively and awesomely. I cant over state how excited I am to have found this blog! If I had been reading this for the last few years it would have not only told me how to do what I was trying to do but would have straightened me out on WHAT I wanted to do and WHY. I will be writing many posts pointing to posts of hers but it would be good if my blog just became an Ad for her blog. I am serious.
There is SO MUCH I need to read in there, but if I had just read this ONE post a couple of years ago I would have had so much less frustration: How To Control!!
I have barely started reading the web site but I am going to read every post over and over. It has already helped me really focus on what I am doing with hubby. If you asked me yesterday what and why I am dominating by sweet bitch boy, I would have said something like this:
“I am dominating my husband with orgasm denial and brainwashing and mental manipulation in order to make him into what I want him to be, changing him because the power turns both of us on and because it is my natural role to be in charge and his natural role to be focused on my needs.”
None of that is wrong, but today I will answer this way:
“I am using tease and denial and related methods to keep hubby in a state of pliable and eager submissiveness, letting his natural body chemistry make him suggestible and controllable. I am taking greater and greater control of hubby to break him of bad habits and help him become the man I know he should be, and to let me recognize my power as a woman, but mostly to make our marriage richer and better by doing what we both need.”
I think it is not a different answer but really an expanded view of the first answer but it is really helping me to feel better and more excited and hopefull about everything. I am sure I will have a better answer after I have studied Mistress Ivey’s blog for a while, but that is the short summary I have today.
One really important thing for me is that I have been struggling with who this is all for. I have been tormenting myself like this: I SHOULD be doing this for my pleasure and focusing everything on pleasing me but I am really doing this all for hubby and what he wants so I am not a real Domme but just a submissive acting dominant to please the man I love.
Today I see it differently. There is no reason for me to feel bad about focusing things on hubby. Making him happy makes me happy and our Femdom has let me control things so that making me happy makes him super super happy. I am doing it for our marriage and I should not feel guilty about that. Marriage is work and using dominance to make our marriage awesome is even more work but that is okay.
Probably she would tell me I am wrong in some ways, but I am learning. I am so happy that I found her blog. I am going to quietly make her my mentor by studying and learning from her webpages.
And now I get to read her books!!
Plus her fiction which I think will teach me just as much as her non fiction books. And I also can get them all for my Kindle!!