Better

Things calmed down after the Great Collar And Leash Incident, and we got back into our routine. I promised him that I would not make him wear the collar and leash until he was ready. And nothing was broken really. He never refused anything else and he did not fight me when I made him stand facing the wall for one full hour as punishment. He seemed calmer and happier after that, and I have hypnotized him twice since then and gave him suggestions that he was calm and safe and it seemed to work. But I was feeling off balance and pissed off at myself. And I realized that I was not pissed off at myself for going to far. I was pissed off at myself for backing off. So I started getting him ready. I talked in a general way about how someone could do something if they were completely anonymous that they could not do around people they know. I talked about how people do crazy shit in vegas.

Then I left it alone. I didn’t get close to that kind of subject for about a day.

Then I told him that I had an idea, but that I would not do it until he begged me to do it. I told him that my idea was to bring him to Payette, 50 miles from our house, and go to a park there, wearing hats and sunglasses and he would wear a windbreaker. And once we were comfortable there I would let him put on the collar and just sit there on a bench. He could lift up his jacket collar to cover it if he wanted. And then we would only attach the leash if he asked me to.

He is not stupid, and he knows that what I want is to drag him openly around by the leash at that park, but he AGREED! He said that on Saturday he will beg me to take him there and let him wear the collar. It made me so happy. He was crying as he said it, and he obviously REALLY still does not want to do it, but he agreed to. How shitty a person am I that his resting his head on my chest and crying in submission made me totally wet? Just to see how I had broken him down turns me on so much. And I feel we have reached a new level in our D/s.

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