Writing about consent yesterday got me so worked up that I decided to push hubby’s limits hard today. I told him that I was going to make him wear the collar and leash I bought for him and take him to the park to walk. He got instantly pissed off and said there was no fucking way and asked why did I have to ruin everything. He was talking like he was done with being my sub or even wanting to move out. It scared the shit out of me. I am still crying as I write this and he is in our son’s room at the other end of the house putting up shelves. Fuck this. I went too far. I cant believe this is happening. How do I backtrack without losing control? Shit.
I read on the internet all the time about consent and limits and shit. First of all, fuck limits. We are not two horny strangers getting together at a play party. He is my husband and I know him better than he knows himself and he belongs to me. I decide what his limits are.
But I guess I think consent is important. If there is no consent than I’m a shithead. But what is consent? If he knows what I’m asking and he physically has the ability to walk away and not do it, then if he does it that means he consents, right? And the more he wants to not do something the hotter it makes me. People talk about “unwilling consent” and that makes me so fucking wet. If I can persuade and manipulate and condition and shame and hypnotize and command him into doing something he really, really doesn’t want to do, it makes me so fucking happy. Does that mean I’m a bad person? Probably. But who cares.